Mum: Come on you lot! Let’s get up the stairs and see if we can see Father Christmas flying over the house.
Dad: Which direction are we supposed to be looking?
Mum: *googles* West.
Dad: Are you sure?
Mum: Yes.
Dad: Really sure?
Mum: No. But I’m guessing that’s what W stands for.

*iPhones out, compasses brandished*
Dad: Loft then! Come on you three.
Boy: Can I throw him a mince pie?
Mum and Dad: No.
Boy: Will he be able to hear me?
Mum and Dad: No.
Boy: But he heard me the other day when I said that bad word, and he was in the North Pole then…
Mum and Dad: Yes then.
Boy: I’m going to shout merry Christmas!
Girl 1: Carry me!
Girl 2: *Continues to stick Hello Kitty stickers all over her brother’s Lego. Ignores repeated attempts to get her to respond by calling her name. Gets picked up, throws Lego. Throws stickers* NO!
[The family troops up to the loft.] Mum: Mind the stairs!
Boy: Will he wave?
Dad: No, he’ll be too far away.
Boy: Will I see Rudolph?
Mum: Kind of. He’ll be very far away, like a shooting star.
Girl 1: I can’t see.
Dad: There’s nothing to see yet.
Girl 1: Lift me up!
Mum: No, I’m carrying the baby.
Girl 2: Get down?
Mum and Dad: No.
Boy: So if it’s just like a star, I won’t hear the bells, I can’t see his face… Why are we doing this?
Mum and Dad: Because it’s FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Girl 1: I’m cold.
Dad: Right, it’s 17:21, everyone look west!
Girl 1: What’s west? I still can’t see.
Boy: I’m not sure this is going to be good.
Girl 2: Down, mummy.
Dad: You go to the back window, I’ll watch here.
Mum: *opens window*
Neighbour: Hi there! You watching for the space station?
Mum: No… FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Neighbour: Oh sorry, yes!
Boy: Do next door think it’s going to be good? (I’m still not sure it’s going to be good.)
Mum: They are indescribably excited.
Boy: Is that a yes or a no?
Girl 2: Up, up!
*The family looks up at the tiny light moving across the sky. They stand in silence for approximately 12 seconds*
Mum: …That’s actually fantastic!
Boy: Wow…
Girl 1: I think I can hear him!
Dad: Possibly the coolest festive thing we’ve done… Ever.
Girl 2: Get down now?
*Second contented silence, lasting 4 seconds*
Boy: (bellows) MERRY CHRISTMAS,
Fellow Santa watchers/passers by: MERRY CHRISTMAS!